What Does A Healthy Relationship With Money Look Like?

You may have noticed that a financial crisis often coincides with a mental health crisis, both for individuals, and on a national level. Sometimes we’re accused of being ‘too materialistic’ if we admit that our mental health is tied too closely to our finances, but to be honest, we’d be out of touch with reality if it wasn’t.

Money is necessary for our peace of mind, physical health and emotional security. Being poor can be traumatic in our society, but being rich comes with it’s own emotional problems as well. So what exactly does a healthy relationship with money look like?

If you have money problems (or mental health problems) you don’t know how to deal with, you should consult a professional and get the help you need. But if you’re simply wondering how healthy your relationship with money is, there are a few signs to look for.

How Does Checking in on Your Money Feel?

Do you look forward to checking your balances, or dread it? If checking in on your money makes you feel physically sick, you definitely have an unhealthy relationship with it. And unfortunately, this can be a self-fulfilling prophesy. The less you check your finances, the more out of control they tend to get.

One study indicates that many people only check their bank balance or investment accounts when they’re expecting good news. Seeing your balance go up certainly has a certain feel-good factor, but also means that you’re probably turning a blind eye when things are going in the other direction, which is when you should be proactively adjusting your spending to head off future financial problems.

Financial wellness coach Bola Sol points out that checking your bank balance regularly, and preferably every day, can actually help you feel less anxious about your money. It allows you to get a better grasp of where your money is going and make small changes that give you a feeling of being in control. The longer you ignore your account, the more money will have ‘disappeared’ from it when you do check it, making you feel like you have less control than you do.

What Do You Tell Yourself About Money?

We all have money scripts that define our relationship with money. Just as thinking constant negative thoughts about our current partner will destroy our relationship, thinking negatively about money will have a similar impact. If we tell ourselves that money is the root of all evil, or that wealth is greed, or that we don’t deserve money, it doesn’t help our relationship with it.

Conversely, worshipping money unconditionally is really bad for our relationship with it too. An over reliance on a romantic partner will blind you to their limitations and maybe even make you vulnerable to abuse. Money is similar. If you’ve convinced yourself that money can fix all your problems, that you’re useless without money, and that you’ll finally be happy when you have enough of it, that’s not healthy either.

Let’s be honest, most problems are easier to solve when you have some money to throw at them, but all the money in the world won’t solve some problems. If you convince yourself that you need money to address every single issue in your life, you’re almost certainly missing out on ways to start fixing some of those problems that don’t require money at all.

How Does Other People’s Money Make You Feel?

The level of envy you feel when observing people with more money than you can be an indication of an unhealthy relationship with money. Especially if you focus on money above all else, envying people who are wealthy, even though other important aspects of their life, such as their relationships or their health, may be worse than yours.

A recent study in Hungary suggested that overall, people are more envious of other people’s social status and influence, than their material success, which makes sense. Human society is highly social and we are all conditioned from a very young age to know where we stand socially: whether we are popular, and respected, and accepted. The issue is perhaps that in the USA in particular, social status and wealth are often tightly tied together, so we tend to envy those who are wealthier than us, and even convince ourselves that we would be better off socially, and in other ways, if we only had their money.

Envy can be either motivating or destructive, but if you find yourself obsessing constantly over other people’s money, rather than focusing on your own income, career and long-term finances, it’s probably destructive for you right now. Focusing on what you can control, rather than what you can’t, is the best use of your time. You have at least some control over your own finances, but none over someone else’s.

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